the final regret
by daughter-of-october
Summary: [Characters: Gildarts Clive, Cana Alberona] # Summary: Their most important conversation.


**_the final regret_**

**Characters**: Gildarts Clive, Cana Alberona

**Summary**: Their most important conversation.

* * *

She sits in the guildhall, scarred and broken after the Grand Magic Games, as he returns from his journey. He hates himself the very second he sees her and the long, ragged scar that goes all the way from her ear to the middle of her chest. The scar is crimson and burns itself into his mind until the moment of his death because it manifests his second failure, his failure as a father who is among the strongest mages and yet unable to protect those he loves.

This woman does not seem to be his daughter. She wears clothes that seem strangely conservative and she is not drinking as her eyes are trained to the cards in front of her while her hands are patiently braiding – _Mavis, is that __**Juvia**__?_ – Juvia's hair. The water mage looks even worse than his daughter; she shakes and trembles with unshed tears. For a moment, he wonders why it is not raining but he remembers how Erza once has mentioned that Juvia has gained better control and does not allow that her mood influences the weather anymore.

Cana looks different, older and more mature. She closes her eyes for a moment before she whispers something to Juvia who wails for a moment before Gajeel – scarred and rough – awkwardly hugs her and Juvia buries her face in his chest, muttering something about how unfair life is and that Gray – _what happened to Gray-__**sama**__?_ – should just wake up. Gajeel answers something but Gildarts is too focused on his daughter to pay attention to the duo of former Phantom Lord Mages because Cana looks just like Cornelia now, wary and tired and yet, shining brighter than the sun. Maybe he is biased but there seems to be an entirely new light in Cana now.

Before he reaches her to console her about what happened with Gray – and he knows that Gray has always been Cana's best friend – Laxus is at her side and holds out a plate with strawberry cake which he has most likely borrowed from Erza which requires an emergency case. The dragon slayer is fast enough to take a step back as Cana slaps the plate away.

"You have to eat," he says and Gildarts wonders why the boy even cares. It is not like he has a personal problem with the younger S-class mage because he acknowledges how far Ivan has gone to destroy his only child but he knows that Cana has had trouble with Laxus before.

"Leave me alone," she snaps as she glares at her cards. One of the cards rises and flies at Laxus and explodes as he swats it away like an annoying fly.

_"The hell, Alberona?"_ he asks as he looks at her. "Get your magic under your control again, yes?"

She laughs bitterly. "Looks like I got finally some telekinesis powers and levitate my cards," she says, pain and resentment dripping from her voice. "In any case, leave me alone, Laxus."

"I can get you a drink if you would prefer that," he offers.

"How can I drink when … when my best friend…" She shakes as her tears begin to fall.

"Say it! Scream it – express what makes you sad, damn it!" he yells. "You keep all of this bottled up, you hurt yourself and you hurt everyone else! Just fucking say it!"

This is when Gildarts realises that Laxus is the last one of a long line of people who have tried to force Cana to talk about what upset her and that he has goaded her into snapping.

"Fuck you, Dreyar," she hisses. "But hell, yes! How can I be carefree and drink the day away as long as my best friend is in a coma and no one knows when he will wake up?!"

"The master's brat really got her to talk about her feelings?" Macao asks, half-shocked and half-impressed. "I would have thought that it would take Erza before Cana says anything."

"Well, was that so hard?" Laxus asks, a relatively unmarred face full of a weird mixture of pride and relief. "You can talk about it. You have to talk about it. Well, look there – your father has come just in time. Gildarts, time to take care of your insolent child."

"You have been sleeping with this insolent child, Dreyar," Gajeel grins but his grin is harmless and seems to be more like a mask. "That says a thing or two about your preferences, huh?"

Gildarts flinches. "Too much information, Gajeel," he sighs before Laxus could snap back.

"Yes," Mira says as she looks up from the drinks she has been preparing. "No one in this guild needs to know what kind of … adult activities Cana and Laxus have engaged lately."

"Why can't they tell stories about their sleepover?" Asuka, innocent and wide-eyed, asks.

Bisca flushes and glares at both Gajeel and Mira before she smiles sweetly at her daughter. "Because … some things are better off as a secret."

"Fa- Dad?" Cana turns her head into Gildarts' direction, eyes tired and full of unshed tears.

He holds out his arms and hugs her. He cannot tell her that everything will be okay because he is pretty sure that it will not be okay again but he can shelter her for the moment. For a moment, he wonders what he actually can say or do before he realises that for the moment, the hug is the best he can say or do. The hug is not deceiving. It does not allow her to flee into another reality, a reality where Gray is safe and sound and has never been pierced by magical beams. The hug is not supposed to make her forget about Gray's sacrifice. The hug can only reassure her that yes, he is there and that he will make sure that she will smile again someday soon.

"Can … can you bring me home?" she asks and for the first time since the first day he has met her, she sounds like a child. This feels strange because Cana has been always the mature one, someone everyone has relied on. She is not meant to falter and this is probably why she has refused to admit that Gray's coma has been hurting her.

"Yes," he says as he leads her out of the guild. He is wondering what to tell the woman who is his daughter but also a stranger before he realises that there is no script fathers can follow when they are talking to their daughters who have a best friend who has nearly died and who is in coma now. He will have to improvise – and thankfully, this is something he is good at.

He unlocks the door to his apartment – once more thankful that his flatmate, Laxus, has kept everything clean. He does not know when or why he has suggested the lightening mage that they should share a flat but it had been when the boy had been short on money for the rent, years back, and too proud to ask someone to borrow him some cash.

They sit down in the living room, Cana so small and vulnerable on the large couch. He sighs because he needs to get her to talk with him. "Before we start talking about Gray, there is a question you could answer," he says after a moment. "Well … this is too late and I know that … but … how did Cornelia die? You just said that she died … I was wondering how."

She shrugs as she looks up from her hands that are folded neatly in her lap. "Mom … she died on a job," she replies, voice pained because Cornelia has been her loss before it has been his and with the added burden of Gray's fate, Cana has to feel suffocated by misfortune. "I never asked for the details … but I think that she miscalculated something … and was killed."

He is silent for a moment. He has expected that an illness has killed his wife because he has a hard time to imagine a job that has killed Cornelia but then again, even the greatest of mage can sometimes miscalculate something and in that case, it makes sense. Cornelia has been a youthful and ambitious woman and for her to die doing what she has loved most is strangely fitting.

"I see," he says after a moment before he leans back. "Okay, that was all about me, now we are talking about you. What happened, exactly? I heard some gibberish from that Lamia Scale mage with the pink pigtails and all I got out of her was that Gray took an attack for Juvia, nearly died but that he was somehow healed and has been in coma ever since."

"That's basically what happened, yes," she confirms. "Fairy Tail … we have entered the battle together but somehow, we have been separated. Laxus and the Thundergod Tribe left as a team to take on a dragon but rejoined shortly afterwards. Erza … was somehow separated as well but Jellal made sure that nothing happened to her. That left Gray and Juvia … they were with Lyon and Chelia – the Lamia Scale mage you mentioned – and were joined by Meredy. Juvia got distracted by something Gray said … he saved her by taking the blow for her."

"Where were you during all of this?"

She lowers her head. "I was helping Master Makarov leading our forces," she says. "Mira was somewhere else with Wendy, Laxus and Erza were missing and you weren't there either. We needed someone with authority and seniority over most mages. That meant me."

"Second-longest Fairy Tail member of your age group, of course…" he mutters. "How did that scar happen, by the way? You fight long range and should not be in harm's way…"

He blames himself for the scar but he refrains from saying so because this is between him and Cornelia. It is not Cana's disappointment about his lousy performance as a father he worries about. His greatest fear is to be a man Cornelia would have regretted to have married all those years ago and therefore he simply needs to be the best father of all fathers. He is pretty sure that he has beaten Ivan but Alzack is on his heels in this competition.

"…you can say that that I pulled a Gray and merrily walked between Levy and an attack – I got hurt because I didn't manage to deflect all of this and got hurt," she shrugged. "It is okay. I am fine compared to most people. I didn't see the love of my life nearly die in front of her and so I guess that I should be fine again in a few months."

"You were checked by the council, weren't you? Mages with great magical power usually are after they lived through a traumatic experience," he muses aloud. "Talking of mages with great magical power … how did Natsu and Erza take this?"

"Natsu … he has not challenged anyone since then. I would have said that he grew out of that stage but he keeps muttering that he owes Gray and Gray only a rematch. Erza … she is back on her solo mission trip. We all miss him … but Natsu told Makarov that he will not participate in the next S-class exam because he says that he wants to fight Gray on his way of becoming an S-class mage," she shrugs. "Juvia won't participate either … I will."

"Even at the risk of failing again?"

"This time, I have to pass more than before," she replies. "Gray is my best friend and some may think that I am dishonouring him by participating but, well, he once said that I should keep going no matter what happens … that this is what makes a mage a Fairy Tail mage. I am not happy and I will need more time to start functioning again … but I don't want to be fighting him next year."

"That means that you will have to get past Gajeel."

"Juvia is going to be my partner. We told Master Makarov that we are doing this for Gray – to show him that he matters enough that we keep … being Fairy Tail mages for his sake."

"You can hardly control your magic at the moment," he remarks. "You didn't mean to attack Laxus. That might be a problem. Before I can let you participate at the exams, you need to get that back under control. Otherwise, it's just too dangerous for you and everyone else."

She nods. "I … I promised Juvia to start light training next week … that will be two months before the exams take place. The master talked with us about it already because he didn't want to force us if we don't feel like we can actually participate. It will be better again then."

"If you really want to be S-class, train with people above your level. I saw what you can do in the Grand Magic Games. With that amount of magical power, you could be the one to beat me before Laxus can do it. The only thing is: you need a spell that can use that power. You cannot count on Master Mavis granting you Fairy Glitter whenever you need it," he says seriously. "But there will be other options for you. Card Magic … I am not sure whether that will give you enough power to get past Gajeel or past Erza. On a good day, you could make it past Mira but I wouldn't count on exceptions. I wouldn't let you pass easily either."

"I am more than willed to fight you head on," she says with a tiny smile.

"That's the spirit, Cana, but you will have to work hard for this exam. Training with Juvia will only get you so far … you might want to consider training with Laxus – especially since you might have to face him during the exam, right?" He frowns as he looks around thoughtfully. "I will check whether there's some powerful kind of magic you can learn until the exam … maybe something caster-like because people wouldn't expect it."

"Isn't it forbidden for an S-class mage to help someone to pass the exam?"

"If this was a guild where a father isn't allowed to help his daughter, I'd leave," he says. "No matter what happens – I don't want to have to pick you off the floor after Erza's through with you and think that I might have taught you something that would have given you a chance." He gently rests his hand on her shoulder. "My final regret about being a shitty father should be that I failed to be there when you needed me. I will not allow myself to have to regret that you failed the exam a fifth time because of me not helping you enough."

"Thank you, dad," she whispers.

"Everything for my daughter," he smiles as he hugs her.


End file.
